Football fans around the country have condemned the incident in the Second City Derby which has forced them to look positively on Jack Grealish.
Aston Villa’s 1-0 victory over their local rivals earned them the bragging rights, even though nobody who supports Aston Villa should really be bragging about anything.
But the match has been overshadowed by a shocking incident in which Grealish was punched in the back of the head, to the dismay of thousands of watching fans who had previously been unflinching in their dislike for the Villa star.
“What that so-called fan did is a disgrace,” said Sky Sports subscriber Dean Creagh. “As football fans, we just want to be able to hate our anti-heroes in peace without some idiot stirring up unwanted feelings of compassion and solidarity.
“Grealish is a rock-solid pantomime villain. I was looking forward to an afternoon of tutting loudly at him and his oily affectations, and then suddenly some moron does that and now he’s the good guy?
“How dare he humanise this totem of angst upon which I project my own internalised self-loathing? It’s confusing and it feels wrong.”
Scenes for celebration
Fellow football-watcher Carla Arkwright agreed.
“When he scored the winner, as captain of his boyhood club, against their biggest rivals, after being assaulted by an opposing fan earlier in the game… well, I must admit I punched the air a little bit,” she said.
MORE LIKE THIS
“Then I remembered where I was and who I was looking at, and had to pretend I was styling it out into a ‘w***er’ hand gesture.
“Ultimately, incidents like this are a stain on our sport. There should be no place in football for wanting Jack Grealish to succeed.”
Arkwright added that her newfound sympathy for Grealish would last until the next time he misplaced an ambitious pass, when she would loudly proclaim him an overrated show pony and resume her dislike with an irrational intensity.
Please note: Needless to say, this story is not real.