Chelsea have warned Callum Hudson-Odoi that his requests to play football are inappropriate, and he should wait until he’s 30 when he will get more than enough opportunities.

The 18-year-old is wanted by Bayern Munich, who have tabled a bid of £35 million, but Chelsea have insisted that they have big plans for him on the Stamford Bridge bench and in the stands.

Sources inside the Blues’ camp have reported that coaching staff have become frustrated by Hudson-Odoi’s bizarre fixation on playing the sport for more than five minutes per week, and are battling hard to remove his irritating enthusiasm and desire to be a star.

“Callum’s still so young and has this naive idea that he will improve as a footballer by playing more football,” Chelsea assistant manager Gianfranco Zola told FourFourTwo.

“Luckily the coaching staff at Chelsea know that the best thing for Callum’s growth right now is to be watching other people play.

“Nothing develops a player better than sporadic five-minute bursts of action in games that are already decided.

“By the time he’s in his early 30s and has lost some of his creativity, flair and pace, he’ll be ready to play 90 minutes – if we haven’t bought someone else from abroad, that is. That’s the Chelsea way.”

Callum Hudson-Odoi FA Cup


Coaches have revealed that they saw the current impasse coming when they watched Hudson-Odoi’s arrogant attitude in training.

“The kid [Hudson-Odoi] wants to get involved in all the drills with the older players,” Zola continued.

“He’s there kicking the ball, playing passes to older players, even tackling older players without asking them for permission first.

“I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve had to send him to the naughty step for wrong-footing several older players and rudely blasting a shot past Willy Caballero.”


After rejecting the advances of Bayern Munich, Chelsea have promised Hudson-Odoi that they will focus more on developing the skills he will need in the Premier League.

“In many ways it’s our fault because we should be spending more time working on the key areas that the lad will have to master over the next five years,” Zola explained.

“From now on we’ll do double sessions of staring wistfully into space, advanced techniques for forlornly warming up on the sideline, and I’ll coach him how to repeatedly refresh the England squad in vain looking for his name.”

Please note: This story is not real. Obviously. 

NOW READ (something proper)… How Callum Hudson-Odoi epitomises the young, English mentality of 2018

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